Coming of Age
By Daphne-Jayne Corrales
I know that there are always times in life where everybody has their moments when they feel that they have took that next step in becoming a grown man or woman. From boys doing something dangerous becomes a man to a girl having that special sweet sixteen party, everybody learns that growing up is part of life and what we need to go through.
To be honest, thinking of my coming of age was really difficult for me to think of. I could write this essay about when I wore that white dress in my church receiving my 1st communion or even my 6th grade graduation to middle school. But I feel that those were the days when things were just getting started. I know that those things were very important because it basically helped me go through who I am today, but I feel that it’s not that big elevation I say is my coming of age because I am a growing teen as of this moment and not a little girl anymore.
My world has been revolved around school ever since I was a little 5 year-old. As those years in grade and middle school, I remember always thinking to myself, “I wonder what high school will be like?” Many questions popped into my head back in those days. It was elementary times riding in the car with my mom, I would say “Mommy, I don’t want to go to high school. It’s too big.” And she would say, “When you go to high school, you won’t think it’s big because you will be too grown up to notice it.” I know that at the time I was still small and I wouldn’t listen as much, so I was still scared.
Entering middle school few years after I started maturing a little bit and grew up knowing what skills are needing to succeed in high school like discipline, responsibility, honesty, just to name a few. I also learned about peer education such as drugs, sex and violence and how to be safe and healthy. I knew that all of these things will be a big key to having the best 4 years of high school coming around the corner of 8th grade, but I didn’t realize how challenging it will be.
And finally, it was time to hang with the big dogs. My high school years are here. When I thought of the words ‘High School’, I thought of the fear of messing up. I was so nervous but I always thought to myself that everything was going to be alright if I made the right choices and being happy.
Walking the halls of Moanalua High School home of the Na Menehune as a freshman, made me feel so proud to be representing a school where I will be going to for the next 4 important years in my life. Now, I am full grown enough to know better and to make my own decisions, there was nobody there to hold my hand anymore to class and tell me to sit in the corner for a time out. This was the time where none of those things are necessary anymore. Being independent makes me a better person now because I am the one that will be walking out of this high school and living the real world of an adult. I take education in high school seriously because my future is too precious for me to throw it all away.
I still remember those days when my mom told me, “When you go to high school, you won’t think it’s big because you will be too grown up to notice it”. That was years ago. And now she’s telling me, “Now you’re in high school, live every single day in it as if there are no regrets for these fours years are most memorable and important.”
By Daphne-Jayne Corrales
I know that there are always times in life where everybody has their moments when they feel that they have took that next step in becoming a grown man or woman. From boys doing something dangerous becomes a man to a girl having that special sweet sixteen party, everybody learns that growing up is part of life and what we need to go through.
To be honest, thinking of my coming of age was really difficult for me to think of. I could write this essay about when I wore that white dress in my church receiving my 1st communion or even my 6th grade graduation to middle school. But I feel that those were the days when things were just getting started. I know that those things were very important because it basically helped me go through who I am today, but I feel that it’s not that big elevation I say is my coming of age because I am a growing teen as of this moment and not a little girl anymore.
My world has been revolved around school ever since I was a little 5 year-old. As those years in grade and middle school, I remember always thinking to myself, “I wonder what high school will be like?” Many questions popped into my head back in those days. It was elementary times riding in the car with my mom, I would say “Mommy, I don’t want to go to high school. It’s too big.” And she would say, “When you go to high school, you won’t think it’s big because you will be too grown up to notice it.” I know that at the time I was still small and I wouldn’t listen as much, so I was still scared.
Entering middle school few years after I started maturing a little bit and grew up knowing what skills are needing to succeed in high school like discipline, responsibility, honesty, just to name a few. I also learned about peer education such as drugs, sex and violence and how to be safe and healthy. I knew that all of these things will be a big key to having the best 4 years of high school coming around the corner of 8th grade, but I didn’t realize how challenging it will be.
And finally, it was time to hang with the big dogs. My high school years are here. When I thought of the words ‘High School’, I thought of the fear of messing up. I was so nervous but I always thought to myself that everything was going to be alright if I made the right choices and being happy.
Walking the halls of Moanalua High School home of the Na Menehune as a freshman, made me feel so proud to be representing a school where I will be going to for the next 4 important years in my life. Now, I am full grown enough to know better and to make my own decisions, there was nobody there to hold my hand anymore to class and tell me to sit in the corner for a time out. This was the time where none of those things are necessary anymore. Being independent makes me a better person now because I am the one that will be walking out of this high school and living the real world of an adult. I take education in high school seriously because my future is too precious for me to throw it all away.
I still remember those days when my mom told me, “When you go to high school, you won’t think it’s big because you will be too grown up to notice it”. That was years ago. And now she’s telling me, “Now you’re in high school, live every single day in it as if there are no regrets for these fours years are most memorable and important.”
you talked about really good things and you had a very good voice.
ReplyDeleteyou used the 6-traits very well and i really liked your essay! [:
-Char
I LIKE IT!
ReplyDeleteI really connected with your words.
Hi Daphne,
ReplyDeleteFirst a comment to your peer critiquers: this is not sufficient commentary guys. Remember, the purpose of the commentary is to help your classmate to improve the piece. Do you honestly think that your comments will help her to improve?
And, if you really think about the six traits and really understood those traits, you would have been able to offer some very helpful commentary...Your partner critique is my way of assessing whether you really understand the traits...you'd prove your understanding by your accurate commentary on the essays.
So...here's my critique:
For one thing, the essay needs to be much more specific. When you spend two paragraphs explaining about coming of age, I would recommend looking at those paragraphs as "warming up" and delete them.
Besides getting rid of the general stuff, you need to think about a particular experience in high school that became a "coming of age." You say a lot--"independent" "decisions" "full grown" "adult" "seriously"...but there aren't any specific incidents that prove this.
Focusing on a specific incident or day in high school will help you to make your writing more focused and authentic.
Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s