Dear Louis Vuiton,
From tiny keychains to gorgeous handbags your company has made a great impact of style throughout the world. Hawaii is quite lucky to have this high class store located in Oahu. Tourist from all over the world come here for paradise but of course they come here for shopping. Ala Moana is one of the popular attractions for tourist to shop because the mall provides the best stores for their outragious money spending.
However I am concern about a certain incident about me and my mother. This past year my mother and I walked into your store with no the most dressiest clothes because for us it was just shopping. We walked around your store thinking we would get some help or to at least be greeted, but the staff seem to have no respect to their customers. When my mother was interested about this one bag, she needed help to get it down. Instead of doing their job of considering my mother's interest in this bag, they completely ignored her to help tourist that came after us. My mother and I were surprised by the attitude the employees gave off. So in the end, we walked out of the store with Louis Vuitton holding a bad reputation in our heads.
So I would please ask that you remind your employees the basics of how to treat people whether they're from another country or from local residents. Everyone should have the oppurnity of shopping around this mall and walking out of every store on a good note. I believe that everyone should be treated equally because this store is not only for the high-class.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my concerns and situation.
Aloha,
Daphne-Jayne Corrales
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Daphne Daphne Daphne Jayne! ;D
ReplyDeleteYour letter was really good. I was very surprised on what your letter was about. I feel the same exact way too. Just cz youre from Hawaii or the way your dress doesn't mean that we should be treated differently. I know it sucks and its good that youre taking that stand and stepping in.
There werent very much to say about your essay. I like how you didn't just start off with a harsh beginning like "From tiny keychains to gorgeous handbags your company has made a great impact of style throughout the world. Hawaii is quite lucky to have this high class store located in Oahu..." It really shows that you have respect for the company.
I liked how you smoothly jump into the situation "...However I am concern about a certain incident about me and my mother. This past year my mother and I walked into your store with no the most dressiest clothes because for us it was just shopping..." its helps the reader or company know that you aren't just sucking up to them in the beginning and that you actually have a problem . Most of your 2nd paragraph is very detailed on what happened and how your guys were treated. Also throughout the letter it doesn't show any anger or any bad emotion to give the company a bad idea. Its very proper, polite, and it sound more concerned like "...My mother and I were surprised by the attitude the employees gave off..." rather to blowing up at them & being a cow about it.
Although i actually found a flaw! -gasp!- haha. In paragraph 2 you have a typo "...I walked into your store with no the most dressiest clothes because for us it was just shopping..." i think it was supposed to be "..not the most dressiest clothes..." So read over before posting it cz you'll be surprised on how much typos you have.
overall i really like it, it was well orginized (PRO CON PRO) i think?, shows character, and it flows.
GOOD JOB! ;D
hey daphne[=
ReplyDeletegood job on your angry letter essay! your incident at louis viton is an excellent example to write a complaint letter too.
I liked your begining. how you didn't trash the store yet and you talked about how Louis Viton is a really high class, luxurious store. for example: "your company has made a great impact of style throughout the world. Hawaii is quite lucky to have this high class store located in Oahu. Tourist from all over the world come here for paradise but of course they come here for shopping...." and so on. I also liked how you stated your problem so clearly! I can understand what happened at the store and it wasn't confusing. for example: "When my mother was interested about this one bag, she needed help to get it down. Instead of doing their job of considering my mother's interest in this bag, they completely ignored her to help tourist that came after us...."
But I still seem some sentence and grammatical errors in your letter. for example: "However I am concern about a certain incident about me and my mother.". You should change it to "however I am concerned about a certain inicident my mother and I had at your store" or something like that:DD
I think you should also add a little more to the part of your letter where you ask them to treat their customers correctly.
thats all I can really find in your essay that had any errors. Good Job DAPHNE JAAYNE:D
Hi Daphne,
ReplyDeleteFirst comment...be sure to check the spelling of names. Louis Vuitton is misspelled in your letter...how do you think that will affect their opinion of your letter?
One more glaring mechanical error: the plural of tourist is tourists (with an s at the end). There are also a lot of tense errors (verbs that should have the past tense -ed ending.)
Now, on to ideas: Be sure to provide specifics in your letter. Without those specifics, your comments will not be taken very seriously. The menagement has no way to check which salespeople were on duty at the time and no way to remedy things. You also lack credibility if you don't substantiate your complaints with specifics.
What was the particular date of the incident? What was the time of day?
How long did you and your mom wait for assistance? Did you ask anyone for help? What type of responses did you get?
[Note to critiquers: you should have noted these missing details and suggested that Daphne add them to her letter.]
I think that's it; let me know if you have questions.
mrs s