The world is my garden
All rising high and mighty
Every flower, fruit and plant
Unique and praised.
My high esteem
Of every grain
I wish to share with everyone.
The flower I most cherished
I bloomed into this world with all my heart and soul
A little one I loved
Full of beauty and grace
Has been picked out of my world.
I realized without this flower
the growth of my garden
for once
was dead.
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Hey Daphne-Jayne,
ReplyDeleteNice poem. The flow of the poem is well written. One thing about the poem is that I don't understand which flower you are comparing yourself to. Just add or change lines so it gives a reader an idea of what flower you are comparing and then your poem will be excellent!
KEEP IT UP!!!
Ms. Daphne-Jayne,
ReplyDeleteI'd just like to respond to Samara to tell her that I don't think it's important to specify the flower because she is just using a flower that's a part of the "Field of Life."
I feel an emotional background behind this poem and I honestly have to say that I enjoyed reading it. As I was trying to do the five-step process, the first thing that really comes to mind is garden full of plants and flowers. The poem was well organized and structured, and the flow and words used in this poem really captures a readers heart. I would give you a 4/3 on this poem. There's really nothing in my opinion to change it.
Hi Daphne Jayne,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, good point, Jonas. You are right that the tpe of flower is not important. For one thing, Daphne is not comparing herself to a flower but to the godess of growing things. This is an allusion poem, not a metaphor.
That said, Daphne, I think you need to add a bit more about yourself in the allusion, what in your own life compares to Demeter?
Also, I don't understand the part about the flower being gone and your garden dying. Keep in mind the allusion to your life and what you seem to be saying about it. Is that comparison accurate?
Don't forget your graphic :)
mrs s